One of the most talked about topics in parenthood is SLEEP. Is your child sleeping through the night? How do you get more sleep? Will sleep deprivation ever come to an end? What is sleep training?
When you head to Google or your social media feed, your algorithm likely provides loads of conflicting information about how to get more sleep in the early days, weeks and months of life. It is essential to have a trusted source to refer to in order to answer your questions about all-things-sleep, and Lullaby Earth is just that resource.
What is Sleep Training?
I wish I could shout this from every mountain top: sleep training does not mean “cry it out.”
In a nutshell, sleep training is the process of teaching a baby, toddler or preschooler the skill of falling asleep on their own and successfully transitioning sleep cycles independently without the help of a caregiver in the middle of the night and during naps. Just like you will give your child space and opportunity to independently learn other important life skills, such as crawling and walking, we can apply similar teaching strategies to the life skill of sleep.
Is Sleep Training Right for My Family?
Sleep training is not a requirement for every family, but can be helpful if your child is over the age of 16 weeks, and your sleep situation is not sustainable. If you are going back to work or simply cannot function during your daytime as a result of the frequent amount of hours you spend tending to your child overnight, you may want to consider sleep training.
Additionally, if you have a desire to allow your child to fall asleep on their own and establish the skill of continuing to sleep on their own without intervention, then sleep training may be a path for your family. You may start out with being okay nursing or rocking your child to sleep, but at some point in your parenting journey, both you and your child may show signs of being ready for a change.
For example, if your child used to fall asleep rather quickly and be soothed back to sleep only once per night with a feeding, and now it takes over an hour to put them down at bedtime or they’re awake three to four times per night, then they are telling you that they are ready for independent sleep, and you might be ready to get your nights back!
As a pediatric sleep expert with 15 years of experience as a special education teacher, I believe that there is not just one way to teach children a skill. Your child has their own unique learning style and your teaching methods can be modified to support them as individual learners. The best place to begin is to learn about the different methods available in order to teach independent sleep.
4 Sleep Training Methods
There are several different sleep training methods, and while every pediatric sleep expert will have nuances within the way they teach these techniques, learning about the general strategy will help you to decide which particular method you would like to research in detail and follow.
The "Pick Up, Put Down" Method
This method allows parents to be very involved in soothing and calming their children to sleep while removing any sleep associations. You begin by putting your baby in their crib wide awake and allow them space to settle on their own. If their fussing turns into crying, you pick them up until they are calm and then put them back on their crib mattress while they are still awake. You repeat this process until they fall asleep on their own in the crib. If they wake up in the middle of the night, you will continue the process again.
The Chair Method
This method allows you to be present with your child the entire time they are learning to fall asleep independently, but provides them with more space during the process. You will start this strategy by placing a chair right next to their crib or bed and soothe them from the chair.
The difference between this method and the “Pick Up, Put Down” method is that you will not pick your child up. Instead, soothe them by rubbing their belly or back, singing to them and reassuring them that you are not far away. You stay in the chair until they fall asleep and head back to the chair should they way up in the middle of the night. Every few days, move the chair further away from the crib. By the time you are out of the room, they will be comfortable falling asleep on their own and staying asleep all night long.
The Timed Checks Method
This is the most popular sleep training method amongst all age groups. At the end of your bedtime routine, put your child in their crib or bed awake and then leave the room. Go back into the room to briefly check in on them at increasing intervals. When you offer a check-in, stay in the room for about 30-60 seconds, soothing them cribside but not picking them up. Then let them know you’ll be back to check on them.
Continue to increase the amount of time you wait to check on them until they fall asleep, and repeat this process if they wake up in the middle of the night. Every day, increase the waiting intervals in order to give them more time, space, and practice. For example, if you started waiting two, four, six and eight minutes on Day 1, begin your waiting intervals at four, six, eight, and ten minutes on Day 2 and so on.
The Full Extinction Method
Full extinction is also known as “Cry It Out.” This is the method most people associate with sleep training before doing their research. While it gets a bad reputation, it is a very effective method for learning. However, it is also the most aversive for parents teaching the method. When you choose full extinction, you put your child in their crib or bed and allow them complete time and space to soothe themselves to sleep at bedtime and throughout the night, without intervening except for scheduled night feedings.
The most important part of choosing a method is determining which is the one in which you feel most comfortable teaching and will be able to be 100% consistent in implementing. Inconsistent teaching will produce inconsistent results, so be sure you are able to teach a method for about one to two weeks without veering from your plan.
When is My Baby Ready for Sleep Training?
Once you have an idea of the method you will follow, determine if your baby is ready for sleep training. I recommend waiting until your child’s circadian rhythms are established at four months old to begin implementing behavioral sleep training. Prior to this, your baby may be too young to learn these independent skills. That said, it is never too late to sleep train! I have helped families with children up to eight years old get their sleep on track, so don’t listen to the pediatrician that says you need to do it by six months or you're doomed for a lifetime of sleep deprivation.
If your child has any type of sleep association (nursing, rocking or contact sleeping) that was always successful at putting them to sleep and keeping them asleep for long periods of time, and all of the sudden this association is no longer working, you have reached the stage of readiness for sleep training.
You may also hear yourself saying “my child used to be a great sleeper, but then they…” and then insert literally anything in the book (they started teething, they dropped a nap, they needed another night feed, they got sick…). If your child’s sleep has been worse than usual for more than two to three days, and you can’t directly attribute it to one of these reasons, then this is a sign of readiness for sleep training.
Alternatively, your child may have never been a great sleeper, and you have decided as a family that healthy sleep is a priority. As long as you have a plan and your child is over 16 weeks old, they will be able to learn a new skill when taught properly. This is why I stress the importance of having a plan and sticking to it during the process of sleep training.
How Do I Get Started Sleep Training?
Just go for it! Pick a method, create a plan for yourself to follow (or hire a sleep expert like me to make the plan for you and guide you through the process) and pick a night to begin. Be sure to have one to two weeks without any major plans or life events to devote to teaching with consistency. By the end of the first week, you should see a noticeable difference in your child’s sleep habits, and you’ll likely completely achieve your goals by the end of your second week.
Your child is brilliant and can learn new things. Remember that you are their best teacher and are going to be their best support in everything they learn as they continue to grow and thrive!
Want to read more sleep tips from Certified Pediatric Sleep Expert Sarah Bossio? Check out these past Lullaby Earth blogs:
Sarah Bossio is the owner and certified pediatric sleep expert of Your Zen Baby Sleep. She works with exhausted parents of children ages 0-8 years old to establish peaceful bedtimes, teach them to sleep through the night and encourage consistent nap times. Sarah brings over 15 years of experience as a special education teacher to her sleep practice and as a result believes that every child learns differently and every parent teaches differently. She loves helping families one-on-one to get them the sleep they deserve.
